Feelings

I cry enough to know that I'm going to love my baby with my whole heart and will protect him at any cost. I'm so darn sensitive and emotional with my pregnancy. I see a baby on TV and I will have to blow my nose for the next 30 minutes. My husband, who tucks me in every night, will say, "good night", which means he's going to leave the room and let me sleep, causes me to cry because I don't want to be separated from him. It's all hormonal from being pregnant. Normally, I'm sensitive, but I'm not about to cry if Scott leaves the room for goodness sakes. But even with all these emotions running through me, there are days when I forget that my life is going to change dramatically in 8 short weeks. I am completely terrified of my life changing. I can't tell you enough how much I love my life right now. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage. We are happy. We love being together all the time, we love being home, we are selfish with our time together and we cherish the quiet of our house. It's wonderful to have kids parttime. We absolutely love having Austin and Grace in our home. They make it special, they make us laugh. But its also nice getting out with Scott alone. Dinners, the movies, cuddling in bed, playing Yahtzee. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. But soon, very soon, that will all end and I can't tell you how terrifying that is for me. And then of course I feel hugely guilty that I'm not different. That I have these feelings. In 8 short weeks someone tiny and breakable and loud will be depending on me every minute of the day. "Jaime" time will cease to exist and I will have to dig deep to find the courage to accept such huge changes in my life. Thank god I have Scott and he's been down this road before.