The miracle of Jameson

There’s nothing more miraculous than holding your child. For me, it wasn’t the first minute I saw my son’s face or when I held him, all goopy, in my arms for the first time. It took me a few minutes to regain my sense of reality, having pushed for over 2 hours after more than 15 hours of labor. But as the days passed and Jameson became my new reality, as he grew accustomed to me and I to him, this feeling overwhelmed me. Maybe I’m odd. Maybe I’m a bad mom, but it took a few weeks for me to realize just how much my life had changed. Those first few weeks were a blur. I was so sleep deprived and so unaware of the time passing. One day bled into the next and I felt like a robot. Change diaper, secure a good latch, watch the clock to time his feeding, burp, rock to sleep, soothe his crying, put him down to sleep. It took me a full 4 weeks to find myself in all this. And once I did, I realized I could care less about me. My life’s focus is now all about the little boy whose fists clench when he’s hungry, whose lower lip pouts when he’s fighting through gas, whose cheeks shiver after his bath. He is the love of my life and I can’t imagine life without him. I never knew it would be like this for me. I guess I should have prepared myself better. I’m So sensitive. So of course it makes sense that I have such intensity with regards to my son. He’s pure and innocent. And each day he's more fun than the last. He coos and giggles and smiles when we say his name. He loves music and loves to be sung to. He likes his swing, but only when he's swayed side to side. And he LOVES to sleep on my chest which I probably allow him to do more often than I should. There's just nothing better than a sleeping child that feels safest on you.