A grand stay

i woke up yesturday morning three days into my 2nd week stay in New Jersey, and headed for the shower. My first clue as to the day i was about to have should have been when I couldn't locate the plush bath mat. Removed, but not replaced, I made due with throwing a towel on the floor. No biggy. I hopped in the shower, only to find that my expensive, re-bottled (for 3 oz travel allowance) facial wash was not in the shower, where i had left it the morning before. It had been thrown out by the over-zealous cleaning crew, along with my bar soap. I was furious. This wasn't your $3.00 Suave facial wash. In addition, I now had to wash my face with citrus body soap (so supplied by the hotel) for the next three days, which, as I presummed, has caused a huge breakout on my face and a new location for the US to drill for oil. Out of the shower, I called room service and ordered oatmeal and an english muffin. The time: 7:15 am. I had an 8 am call with my boss and coworkers out in India, and then needed to be at the client site by 8:45 am. I quickly got dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, anticipating a knock on my door. I pulled out my outfit for the day...it was wrinkled as expected. I headed for the closet to pull out the ironing board and iron. To my utter annoyance, there was no pad on the ironing board. Now, i'm no suzy homemaker, but i'm pretty sure that i need some sort of covering on the metal ironing board so that i can iron my clothes. So I call the front desk and ask for another ironing board. In the meantime, I realize that the time is dangerously close to 8 am. And still no breakfast. i make another call to the front desk. "oh my god, you haven't got your breakfast yet?". We'll get it to you in 20 minutes". hmmm. i don't think so. "actually", i say, "i need my breakfast in 5 minutes so i can eat it before i have to head out for the day." 5 minutes later, there's a knock on my door. it's my....ironing board. yeah! i get on the phone with india and struggle through 40 minutes of conversation i can't understand. in the meantime, i iron my outfit for the day, and my breakfast finally arrives. to the utter dismay of the nicest room service server, he can't believe i've waited 1.25 hours for my breakfast. he apologizes profusely as i scramble to put my headset on mute so India doesn't hear him. i sign the slip and tip him well...it isn't his fault, i know. so as i'm on mute, i try to inhale my breakfast. it's now 8:25 am and i am still not dressed. my oatmeal is cold, not surprisingly. however, it gets weirder. i turn over my english muffin so i can add jelly to it, and lying in between both halfs, no lie, is a tie wrap. Those wire things with paper on them, that are used to close the bag of english muffins. this tie wrap is browned, like my english muffin. How does this happen? How does a tie wrap get toasted with my english muffin without being noticed? only me. i swear only these weird things happen to me. my call finally ends at 8:40 am. i race to change my clothes, brush my teeth, put some makeup on, though i have to skip a few steps due to time, and run out the door. But in case you thought that was it, i'll list the rest for good posterity: my dinner that night turned up without cole slaw, my burger burnt to a crisp. i skipped breakfast the next morning to keep my sanity, but my dinner arrived over an hour late, with the wrong dressing, and the wrong side dish. a stay to remember for sure.